holding back

Words bear so much more responsibility than we actually think. There are a thousand of things I want to say, ask and express but I instead find myself holding back. Holding back for though I want you to know all of what I goes on inside my head I know that I cannot deal with the responsibilities of what I have to say. I would rather stay where we are right now and enjoy every bit of it other than lose all the small beautiful details to rationalizing about what has transpired the past two weeks. I have been through much similar events that in the end I realize how much I have lost only because I was to concerned about the why's? and how's? COnsequently failing to hear what was actually said. I only want to listen. I only want to hear.
Fence-sitting while the events unfold give a new sense of awareness that only comes with learning how to hold back a little and become more contemplative of what is going on. My silence only means that I hold it dear to my heart and fear in losing it to dictates of rational thinking. Keeping it in the world of illusion and broken reality means holding on to its special quality. A respite from the excesses of our reality. Our human desires push us to bring it to more palpable means but cynicism holds me back.