missing it, still

While the mild breeze offers the long-awaited respite from the smog, dirt and humidity of my precious Manila, I also realize that along with it comes the same sharp pain I fear most. Like sharp needles piercing and numbing my skin's pores. Then everything, every part and opening in my body begins to shut off gradually. I resist this tendency and hope to encompass it but I know it does take time. Occassionally, I find myself withdrawing deep into the comforting warmth (or what's left of it) deep in my heart and guts. How to keep the fire burning inside, like a hearth that constantly burns despte the cold and hardened air. Molecules of the air seem so much smaller than I've known them most of my life. Tighter, I struggle to open them up, as if by this mere act I can allow my body to open up and be unafraid. Today, I gave myself this task: to try it the other way around and embrace the chill which surrounds my body turning it into heat.