missing the silence

i have been missing the silence and solitude that defined most of my dreams, lived in reality. again, i crave to bury myself inside a hole, like little mole afraid of sunlight. living in the solitude of darkness, feeling each way by smell and hearing. i want to deny my sense of sight and escape the visual noise i see around. there is clutter creeping its way into my sense. i struggle to stir inside and become a tuning fork like once was six months ago. i'm beginning to think that even its lonely, boring and monotonous, it is in fact peaceful, focused and contemplative.

one cannot wish for much. once, you get what you think you've been wishing for, you begin to question yourself repeatedly. self-doubt returns. could all the layers behind a simple dance movement actually be layers of self-doubt transformed into liberated thoughts. pure thoughts supposedly made to communicate an idea of something bigger. my horoscope says i should try to fit in little bits and pieces of "big ideas" into my everyday. i hope to, only i am lost in the vast jungle of protracted plans