today the rain didn't come

in the middle of nowhere i can have my beer at 4 in the afternoon and not worry about the coming day but with only the commitment to concentrate on my work, i learn how to cope and enjoy the pauses and silences that come to me now. this residency is turning out great and i am finding my way, finding my footing, a map in my head slowly unfolds and i bask in the inevitability of the unknown with sincerity, faith and belief.
rain comes at 4 in the afternoon, forbidding rain and thunderstorm that don't seem to end. and still i fear the warning notices of depression after days of bliss and liberation. but after two hours of unforgiving downpour, the sky clears up and thus a new beginning at the end of each day can commence. how truly a gift is this space in time. a pause, a drop-out from boring and gloomy security of reality.
hmm, yes truth is boring and unforgiving. it is in our most estatic and intoxicated moments do we truly have the courage to face ourselves and be shit-faced candid to our weakness and vulnerability. even if we wake up next day with the bite-size pictures of regret brought by baring naked, the rollercoaster ride will always be this place in our youth that we can come back to. a place that will remind us of the sensations of flying and taking risks. for sure, the prospect of flying is far more attractive than staying in the ground.
i take pleasure in the simplest sensations: in the touch of the skin, the breathlessness, subtle shift of weight and moving space.
facing today came with some bit of anxiety, knowing that what has transpired the past seven days can easily be forgotten and left to memory. the hot summer days impress experiences that hold all true significance but also little specs that may change our lives. and though i look forward to every glance, transparency of your sight and distinct scent of this new plot, i also move with caution. stepping up each step of a creaking staircase. not with fear but instead with a wider sense of awareness of the dynamics of life and non-linear direction that determines our path, whether choosen or not. still with bated breath, i welcome the next day and live with its improbability