just because

because i have come to accept that i have a new-found secret love that i can move through easily even without the excitement of new things that come one's way. my recent part time commitment has brought me situations otherwise inconcievable. love does spring from unexpected occasions and while this new love may not be the ideal type who every artist dreams of sharing his/er life with, i am happy with the respite that he allows me to have. the space to be my mushy and corny self. maybe, despite my conviction to stifle the status quo, i am also lured by the prospect of taking root, of having a stable post to hang on. i have not felt this way for the last eight years, and the last time i felt this way was when i decided to change my life and decide to be with my current. love never fades, once you find it it does remain and even how defensively you want to fight against it, it is an evil neccesity we have to contend with. once cannot escape its promises, we are all human that seek to share and be part of a whole. however, loving does not come to be able to complete oneself. putting cliches aside, maybe it is this endless task of giving but not recieving.
i wish for the courage to move on, the guts to let go and follow what my heart yearns for. while it does seem a lithe complicated, Maria is right that one has to dig deeper to find the right word. Its not a sacrifice, something intrinsic is in there. I know that I hate myself for yearning for more byt now more than ever, I am just grateful for the chances I have...