vibrating with tears

i long for that day that my whole body vibrated with tears and rush of fear i have kept for so many years. i wish for the day to come again but my own heart fails me. i am beginning to realize that much of what we produce and create are but products of frustrated ambitions, heartaches and longing to feel less lonely and isolated. a sour tast sits on my tongue, and though my stomach is empty i cannot enjoy the idea of feeding myself. all seems not enough, nothing to nourish my hungry body. instead, i am beginning to find solitude in the comfort of an empty stomach as the mind moves into clearer perspective.
like the two typhoons that have passed, all is empty is destroyed again, the most painful state of wanting something. then, you slowly accept the fact that maybe i am as sacred shit as everyone else is. unwilling to plunge, rather i withdraw into the convenient comfort of my life. passion come to those who are willing to let go of everything. while willing to let go of all concepts of security in dancing, let of my body, free fall, trust that nothing can hurt me and let my intuition take over i find myself closely holding on to anchors of safety. i can lose myself in dancing but cannot lose myself in life.
maybe the art and theater gives us the brief glimpse into how passion can make each of our lives interesting because the boring monotony of our daily lives is unbearably painful and gloomy. today as yesterday, only the prospect of sleeping and burrying my head under the pillow seems attractive. the rest only fades into the background