it almost felt like this

it almost felt like i could touch you but as usual i struck fear where it matters most. it comes as no surprise as i have must exuded this nuance and even if i catch glimpses of meaningless stares in the blurry vision of alcohol induced resonance in this inpenetrable solitude i hope i could share to you what matters most. but i would really rather push you away than bore you with the absurd realities of my psychological state. i am sure that you cannot fathom the depths of what i have to say. then i would rather keep on the game, the futile attempts to snatch a minute or moment that shall break the unbearable content of my life. sometimes i think i could die for this moment of abandon. if only someone was there to catch me. do i really need someone to catch me from this self-induced free fall or do i gain a satisfaction from witnessing this sole release of all that matters. just a second of challenged reality, broken continuity, unabridged circumcunstance.
what shall stop us from practicing inexplicable rules of civility but the pretense to keep to an order, an unquestionable one. what comes after is the deep frustration and disappointment of unfulfilled pretenses, resignation and acceptance of this place. a boring despidida to an attached adolescence. let go and live and be, what lies does matter but
what the hell
it all boils down to an imagined moment mixed with a break from reality-induced doubt


goodbye my project love