still recovering from my awful bed ridden flu, i find myself panicking. i have less than a month to finish this solo and there are too many voices playing in my head. i've lost a total of three days, now back to zero. i need to tune in and i find myself awfully frustrated by the fact that i see too many eyes turned on me. tangna, psychotic na ba ko? or ive just been reading too much of psychotic people's lives. i struggle with the new task i have set for myself. i want to be calm and let the story in my head play in my body. dry. weary and weak. i feel like a deaf child holding on to the last tune of my classmate's voice, following a faint sound. maybe its all a product of my imagination. the rain seems to have stopped after three days of raining. joaquin hasnt been to school for two days. i scrapping off all that i have created and hope to start anew, listen anew and resist my tendency. resist my phrasing. why can't i just go on, stopping myself each time. is it self-censorship? i hope not!!!
i must dig deep again into healed wounds, open up forgetten stories and forbidden associations, maybe i need a distraction. there is a ringing in my ears, and a dance that keeps playing in my head. i need to let go of it, but its hunting me.