passing through

bones, joints and subtle muscles. i wake up resisting the urge and tendency to hold on to memory to re-live yesterday and re-create brief moments of complete freedom and wind passing through the sides of my body. slowly, i am realizing though that as for body and muscle memory, it might be best to live for today...live with today. start zero with a new body. similarly i find the need to forget what the body remembers in order to move forward and realize inertia.
there is so much in my head, images of my body, haunting images of a moving body in space. i wake up the next day and after two hours of warming up, i start from where i began...what is the necessity of my being? why dance? i didnt think i would have the guts to ask myself why...but what do i live for in dancing? the brief, intense moments of selflessness, lost in a moment, somewhere in a moment? each day now i live to re-affirm my feet, knees, legs, my chest and torso. its weight on the ground, how it grasps the earth and dig deeper into the ground. i live to re-affirm my existence and zest for love and perverted adventures.
today in class jay asked me how he can hold an arabesque line while lying down with the face on the floor, i quickly answered that one doesnt, we just pass through it. a line is not a visual reference its not a picture that can be captured and retrieved after a number of years. instead, it is only a passing moment. we cannot create positions or dance steps, we briefly pass through them and hopefully sustain the energy that boils inside the center, flowing through our limbs. most of the time, we loose it? how tro retain it and gain it back without muscles without big ideas but only with small ideas, sensations and imagination of bodily situation that allow the everyday to move.
tomorrow...how to move the everyday?