roused by tears

but was it a dream in my dream? like joaquin, i have trouble sleeping. maybe he got it when i was still pregnant with him. every night, i spent two hours and a half to put him to sleep, sometimes ending up asleep myself. i think he has trouble making his mind relax, i see this from the way he forcebly closes his eyes, as if sleep shall come this way. last night i slept like i was in a different bed, waking and turning, waking and turning, i can only remember the vague landscape of sleep-interrupted dreams, the texture and colors. i could almost touch it like a piece of object and let my fingers explore its various surfaces. my chest is still heavy from last night, having been roused by crying and tears staining my pillow. i woke up crying and wailing, angry at the same time relieved to have let everything go. the past week, only heaviness feels my chest, and again i long to cry but my own tears fail me.