maybe my boredom pushes me to just even touch the possibility of this even if i know that i dont want to go there or go anywhere to where anything might possibly lead to. i enjoy the meaningless and uneventful flirtation and rather have this little things that suprise the monotony and habit of each day. maybe, i'm just being naughty and coy but i dont really care at this point for i know the point where things should stop and recognize the impossibility of the situation. this makes it even more fun, knowing the impossibility yet participating in this vain exercise of exchanging little advances, sometimes you think words mean more than what they are and actions portray so much more. But most of the time, actions are just that. actions not needing explanation or context. just how accidents are, they just begin to happen and despite this wanting to make sense of it, it simpy does not make any sense anymore, what's best is to feel the nuance and inexplicable tension between bodies and between the words exchanged in an effort to complete the civilized contract of our humanity.
no...you dont want me, you dont want to touch me...all i touch turns to shit, all the blessings that i have been bestowed on me is also a curse, i am bound to pursue my goal and this means forgetting my human practical need. i am incapable of satisfying my human needs, such that this makes me unattractive, untouchable, unreal./ while i talk and exchange words and utterances, they come from an abstract concept of a person not a real person...
let's see if you can touch me and allow my humanity to pour out
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