Precious moments dream cafe

And i couldnt even write it out, i have been having difficulty expressing how I feel. As the days come by, I find it more and more difficult to explain myself, much less care about it. I feel my being withdrawing deeper and deeper inside, losing interest in communication and interaction. i am lost in my own confusion, floating, dizzy and exhausted. Would I rather slip back in the comfort and security of my own womb and there find ways to break out. Or maybe, all of the next endeavors should be outside, on the streets and waiting shed where the only controlling factor is the weather and my own commitment to stay put and subject myself to this kind of vulnerability. I am beginning to loose interest in words, as I cannot even read. Speaking and talking has become such an effort...
In my precious moments dream cafe, the world crumbles down and Joaquin keeps me afloat. I burden his existence with my willingness to continue moving on. It has been extremely confusing and I must admit that the time outside the studio is a time I fear most, I become paranoid and lose myself and lose sense of myself. I have created an evil sanctuary in the studio and in my work. Now, I question things I have previously held dear to me. Is dancing a path to understanding my life or a padding from the painful reality of my motiveless swim.
I struggle with my own demons, this time my only wish is to free myself from my own mind and stop censoring myself. Forget about anything and allow my body to realize its moment of abandon, then i shall loose myself and be free from the prison of my being.

the heart bleeds for an unrecognizable idea,
it mourns for innocence and hope,
betrayal is the dream that plays like a broken record in relationships and world events.
Should we live out this repeated pattern of history and realize in the end
that one the physical objects change but the emotional landscape remains.
i need to get a thesaurus. i need to read, i am boring myself too much.