since finishing the WI FI Body festival at the CCP, I have been down and stuck to my bed. i have been sleeping for one whole day and haven't finished the article for Art Paper. Yesterday, I got a long-overdue tatoo. The timing seemed most fitting as I marked a new chapter in my life. After the stress brought about by mounting a show at CCP, not to mention the emotional co-optation forcing me into a festival I have previously begged off of, I have come to distinguish between the things that I value and things/persons/organizations/situations I could live without. While the WIFI was extremely stressful and I swear never to go through it again, it was a great opportunity for me to see future conditions to create and do dance. I know for sure that as I continue on the path I have choosen, it cannot be at/within the framework of the institution and the ideals I have rebelled against. An affirmation of my initial feelings toward this festival and the co-sponsoring institution.

... so while the festival was frustrating and disheartening, I am glad that it is at the same time life affirming.

...now varied points and issues will be on top of each other, as I have not the privilage of distance...

One important concern that may soon skip my mind, was the artists frustration and struggle with the CCP administration in staging and presenting our own works in our own terms. One of the very essences of independent dance: artists representing themselves in terms and frameworks that they see most fit. Having managed projects in our own space for the last three years, I have first and foremost placed principal importance to the artists feelings and intentions. Though this is not an easy task, it is always rewarding to see how the artist's intention emerges out of the curator and gallery's intervention. As a partner institution in this project, my idealism feeds me to expect the CCP to work with us, accomodate our concerns and suspend their biases against non-residence companies. While the administration and artistic council may have officially endorsed (with their usual token letters and pronuncements) this, I feel that they have failed to inculcate this sense of commitment down to their own organizational structure. The staff and officials from the Performing Arts Department, Marketing, Front-of-House and Technical Operations Deparment have obviously showed indiffirence to our artistic concerns, and instead giving "rules and standard operating procedures" prior interest. Our works have been presented in non-coventional performing spaces, even the work themselves question the traditional theatricality that frame dances, so how can we work within "standard operating procedures" when the basic premise of our works are to actually question them. At some point comments that we were second rate dance companies where also milling around the center during the festival. I. personally dont mind as I dont represent a company but I am sure that to the rest of the members of the network this may be offensive.

Expecting a collaborative atmosphere, we were instead plunged into the usual commercial artist-patron transaction, where only the final product of the work was seen, devoid of any value for artistic process and historical context. Bringing our works into the CCP could have been an interesting exercise had it not shown the typical closed minded orientation that our teachers and mentors rebelled against, ushering in the development of Philippine independent contemporary dance. However, the refusal to question themselves, to become reflexive of the art practice, and indolence to learn about new things have made this exercise frustrating if not nill and lame. What occurred was a re-affirmation of the cultural center's place in the history of contemporary art. Us artists, willing victims of co-optation. How ironic that for the last five years or so, contemporary dance has thrived and developed under independent intiatives of dance companies, dancers and choreographers without a single support from the CCP, but now CCP has again successfully staked its claim on history by "inviting" and "recognizing" effforts of independent artists and choreographers by dangling the prospects of a venue grant and full theater compliments to the artists and choreographer of the WDA choreographers' network. Only to realize in the end, the unaffordable ushering costs and lack of infrastructure to market our shows at such a scale.

ushering costs? we dont even have ushers in our own space?!
1. we cannot afford one
2. it doesnt make sense, as we want to develop independent thinking and active audiences who dont need to be ushered and guided through each time. as we work in non-conventional, non-theater spaces, the idea of ushering simply does not apply to us!
3. how sad that in the end i shall be paying more for ushering than to an artist in my show.

...breaks are on,,,

more to come